For about the last six months, I’ve been feeling ‘unsettled’ with my Yoga but I didn’t really know why. I’ve been teaching, studying, running Yoga Bliss, running my teenager around, trying to keep on top of my own Yoga Practice, even though my back is really painful. I’ve been in pain for some time now…. A few years probably…
Various suggestions have been made about my age and whether or not Ashtanga Vinyasa is the right practice for my body, but there’s more to it than that. I’d already adapted my practice to suit my energy levels and to balance with the rest of my life. Following various investigations and prolonged enquiries with my teacher and my Physiotherapist it transpires that the ligament laxity that gave me such amazing flexibility throughout my life, has allowed me (I know, I know… I did this to myself) to have the most extreme forward bends and extremely open hips. HOWEVER, the muscles surrounding these too-long ligaments didn’t even know they existed and they didn’t realise that they had a job to do too. I didn’t realise either. If there were ‘warning signals, I was not aware of them, there was certainly no pain, until it was much too late.
So, there I was – teaching, practicing, running a business, with the pain getting worse, my physical practice getting more confusing and the pain in my back preventing me from sitting for meditation. Nothing was working for me…
I’ve been an Ashtanga Vinyasa practitioner for eleven years and teacher for 5 and the mistake I made for a long time was putting my faith, 100% in the system but not as it was meant to be used but from the Western understanding or ‘misunderstanding’ of the practice as I received it. The second mistake I made was not taking responsibility for my own practice. It’s easy to do exactly what your teacher advises without ever actually making your own enquiries and discoveries. It’s easy to get on your mat and go through the motions without ‘awareness’, and it’s easy to blame someone else for your mistakes if you haven’t taken responsibility.
So the first lesson we’ve learned is that just because there is a ‘series’ of asana, whether it be Primary, Intermediate, third… whatever, doesn’t mean we have to do all of it. Just because it exists, doesn’t mean ever body needs every pose. It was never meant to be used in it’s entirety. To cut a long story short, the body I rocked up to the mat with, didn’t need all the years of Primary series. My hips were already open and I could already access my spine easily in the forward bend and lateral hip rotation patterns. Who knew?
I can’t tell you how much pressure I have put on myself to maintain a certain level of practice because I teach. So, the upshot of all of the above realisations is that I am taking a sabbatical from teaching. I need to balance my life and I need to do my Yoga Practice for me, selfish aren’t I? I need to repair my broken body and my dented ego.
When I go back to teaching, I’m sure that this learning experience will make me an even better teacher.
My practice is much more focused on the asana I need to awaken and strengthen the hitherto lazy muscles that will give me some integrity in my lower back again. There’s a lot of back bend patterns – surprise, surprise. There’s a little bit of lateral hip rotation pattern but only to maintain the hip ‘opening’ and not combined with a forward bend (well, maybe a slight one with heart lifted but nothing more extreme than that) It’s a bit of Primary and a bit of Second with a few Pilates exercises thrown in.
So, it’s time to be an ordinary student again. It’s time to rewind and undo some of the unhelpful patterns that I never needed to develop in the first place. It’s no good wishing I knew then what I know now. This was all part of the journey and all part of the lesson.
Hi Nixy, quick question if I may… Do you think most physiotherapists would be able to diagnose this issue, or was there some good fortune in going to the one that you have? thanks for sharing your challenges – I’ll know to look out for this now with our own students.
Hi there James, My physio has treated quite a few yoga practioners and she also had a detailed history from me. I have more awareness now so if I had my time again with the level of awareness I have now, I may not have made this mistake. I’d always look out for this now and the most obvious sign is whether the student is folding forward from the lumbar spine or the hip joint, so one has to look at the angle of the pelvis etc. There’s a fantastic article on Ray Long’s Daily Bandha blog/site http://www.dailybandha.com/ all about forward bends and preventing back injuries. I often refer to his books. I’m sure what I’ve learned from this will ultimately make me a better teacher and if I can prevent one person from doing the same…… namaste. xxx
Thats a very considered way of putting it xxx
Hiya
I’m so sorry to hear about your pain.
Don’t be so hard on yourself you trusted the practise, we wouldn’t be teaching if we didn’t! Think of all the people that have had great life changing teaching from you I know this won’t mend your body but it may help
I teach Hatha I’m 56 soon have osteo arthritis badly in both knees, I know how tough it is on the ego, but are we not teaching to let go of the ego?
I asked my self big questions and I openly admit when things are no easy, after all we are only human.
Rest well listen to advise from Physio, when you go back to Teaching you will teach in a different way. Good luck.
Namaste
Viv
Hi Viv, thanks so much for your wise words…. I am learning to adapt and retrain my body and my mind, once I’m better at that, I’ll be in control of the ego not the other way around. Thank you again
Namaste, Nicola x
Many modern day yogis practise not Yoga, but only one of the eight limbs of Yoga. In their strife to mastering the perfect or the most amazing asanas, they perpetuate the ego instead of letting go of it. The ego is the main obstacle in our path to seek the truth. To truly realise the benefits and understand the wisdom of Yoga, asanas must be practised in conjunction with the other limbs.
Hi Yolanda, you’re right of course. I am blessed because I have been introduced to what Yoga really is by my teacher and our studies with Swami Nitya and Swami Veda Bharati of the Himalayan Yoga Tradition. At the centre where I teach, the focus on the physical shifted some time ago and we are immersed in a practice which is balanced and holistic, where asana is just one of the eight limbs. Heaven knows where I’d be if this wasn’t the case! It is this environment that has lead me to make these realisations… it’s a start anyway.
Great post. I have exactly the same body as you (well not exactly!) and years of primary series also wreaked havoc with very mobile SI joints. Now, I also practice ‘some’ primary, ‘some’ intermediate and hell of a lot of pilates!
I also wanted to take time off teaching, I think adjusting also didn’t help.. Great to be a student again and enjoyed this blog post thank you!
Hi Abby, Thanks for your comments, it’s good to know that I’m not alone and I hope that my post will help others who may be experiencing similar. My SI joints are very unstable at the moment and its a job to keep everything aligned but I’m working on it. You’re right, adjusting didn’t help. I stopped lifting people’s legs and the more physical adjustments a while back. I had to ask a student in the class I was teaching to demonstrate for me the other day, my ego had to take the knock and I had to do what would be less harmful to my body….. The realisation and then the decision was the hardest but now I feel the pressure lifted off and I am enjoying my practice again
I hope that you’re mended now x