Since I last wrote, the approach to our asana practice has changed a lot. 

Before these changes, it may have gone something like this…..

• Start by feeling guilty – because there’s other stuff that I should be doing instead of being on my yoga mat.
• Continue with the feeling guilty because I haven’t been on my yoga mat enough.
• Just for good measure, some more guilt because I MUST do at least an hour and a half asana practice, sweat, get all the way through what I’ve been working on, new poses from second series included before doing anything else.  If I do anything less, I am lazy and a failure and I won’t be able to teach!
• Sit on my mat quietly for a few minutes finding banhda and Ujjayi breath
• Come to standing, chant and off I go….
• Spend the entire time focused but with thoughts popping in like, ‘when will this start to feel easier?’, ‘will I ever be able to do this pose?’, ‘I wish I had a practice like John or a body like Jane’, ‘I’m so rubbish at this’,  ‘How can I teach this when I’m so crap at it myself?….. I could go on and on!
• Lay down at the end full of endorphins, feeling great but exhausted
• Spend the rest of the day tired
• Spend the rest of the day feeling more guilt at having spent so long on my mat.

 After we’ve made some changes and have a more sensible approach, it goes more like this. 

• Start by deciding how much energy and time I have for my practice today and that will be no more than an hour and fifteen minutes asana in total including closing.  Today, I’ve got a business to run, Christmas preparations to make, a friend from University who’s over from New Zealand and staying with us this evening, washing, ironing and looking after my nephew, oh, and I’m quite tired today.  So, I’ve got maybe an hour in total, no more.
• Lay down in Savasana and find diaphragmatic breath, then Makarasana, for more focused and calm breath.  Go through a series of stretches and getting in touch with my natural breath to ensure that my body is relaxed and my mind is calm, all based on the Himalayan tradition practices that we’ve been learning. 
• Stand, chant, find Ujjayi breath and banhda.
• Series of spine mobility work to address the ‘flat spot’ in my spine that I have avoided for 10 years.
• Suryanamaskara A x 3, Suryanamaskara B x 2.
• Today I chose to do a ‘one breath’, flowing standing sequence up to Parsvottanasana.  I chose ‘one breath’ as I needed to feel energised.
• Hip opening work (as I wasn’t going to do the poses that usually give me that opening today)
• Hip flexor lengthening and strengthening (again, I wasn’t going to be doing the poses that give me this today) and shoulder opening work.
• Back Bends
• Full Closing
• Savasana
• Pranayama – Nadi shodanam
• Meditation practice

So, that was a lovely practice.  I feel peaceful, calm and rested.  I feel energized not exhausted, I’ve addressed the physical openings that I need to maintain and I’ve done a practice which is guilt free and doing just what it needs to.  I haven’t messed with the order of the poses, full respect has been given to the Ashtanga Vinyasa system, but I’ve taken from it what I need to take from it for today.  Tomorrow will be different again and will depend on how much time and energy I have and how I need to balance my day.  Having settled the mind and body with the Himalayan sequence, I’m less likely to perpetuate old physical and mental patterns, not just because I’m starting from a relaxed, neutral place but because I can be more ‘aware’.

So the key words are ‘balance’ and ‘awareness’.  I feel so much better taking this approach.  I’m not as tired.  Life feels more balanced, I feel more balanced and I’m learning to let go of the guilt, which, let’s face it was a ridiculous hang-up anyway!  So I am no longer forcing my body through more than it needs or is capable of.  Does that make me a lazy person or a bad teacher?  I’m a 46 year old woman with a very busy life, not a teenage sannyasin or a circus performer.  I’m not finding this easy, it’s hard to accept
that you’re not Superwoman and it’s hard to accept that you’re not in your twenties any more, but does this approach make you feel better?  If you balance everything so that it’s right for you, and do so honestly, I’m sure you’ll notice a difference. I urge you to try it and see.

Sending you love and wishing you all a Happy Christmas and a Peaceful 2012

My teacher, Denise has been deepening her study and understanding with Swami Veda Bharati and Swami Nityamuktananda, with whom I have also been privileged to study.  As our teacher, in whom we have complete trust; Denise is leading us toward our own deeper understanding.   We are each on our own Spiritual Path, but without a guide, we could be going astray or around in circles.  To use an analogy coined by Matt Wales, my teaching colleague at Aware Yoga, without the teacher, we are groping around in a dark alley.  It is the teacher, who ‘shines the torch’ for us and shows us the way.

 It is possible for us to justify or make excuses for any behaviour or recurring ‘pattern’ that we might have learned and repeated over the years, whether on or off the Yoga mat.  As teachers, having recognized some of our own ‘patterns’ of behaviour, we are privileged to be able to observe these ‘life’ patterns in other people’s bodies and Asana practice.  It has also been our privilege to see these patterns change over time (or not) as our students develop more awareness and understanding along-side us.  Our teachers are the ones who, having deepened their understanding, then begin to share their new understanding with their students.  They are ‘taking a risk’ when they do this, in that we, their students, may not choose to follow in their footsteps.  This in itself doesn’t cause a problem for the teacher personally.  However, if you’re a teacher with a studio, with rent to pay and a Yoga community to serve, there is most certainly a ‘risk’ that you may ‘lose’ some students.  As students, we should admire the courage demonstrated by our teachers.  It takes courage to share new knowledge and insight and at the same time, we should recognize that, this sharing is an expression of ‘Satya’, the truth as it has been revealed to them.  It would be hypocritical to say the least, if your teacher practiced and had faith in one system, but taught another because paying the rent was more important than the truth.  It would be dishonest  if that teacher were to continue giving the student ‘what he or she wants’ rather than giving them  ‘what he or she needs’ in order that they receive the greatest benefit from their Yoga practices.

This Yoga path is challenging.  It makes us look at ourselves, and this is uncomfortable but, if you can laugh at yourself, it can be frequently amusing.  Some students won’t be open to the challenge or the change that inevitably comes with it, and there’s nothing wrong in that for them at that juncture.  For us, as students of Yoga who put our trust in our teachers, we should take a moment to recognize and honour the courage it takes to be leading the way.

I am privileged to be able to combine my knowledge and experience of the Ashtanga Vinyasa system with the Yoga Philosophy and Meditation of the Himalayan Tradition. This has given rise to a much greater level of ‘awareness’ in terms of what is beneficial to myself, in my personal practice and the students with whom I share the practice. My teacher, Denise Martin-Harker, is guiding me along this path. A great ‘shift’ is happening. With the change in the season, darker nights, colder and damper weather, we now have a greater ‘awareness’ that has led us to realise that a ‘full on’ Ashtanga Vinyasa practice, for most of us with busy lives and responsibilities, can become something that depletes our energy rather than restores and revives us. So, we’re taking the ‘less is more’ approach. Making sure that we have a balanced Yoga practice where we do less Asana, with more awareness and integrity and more Meditation and Yoga Nidra. This more realistic approach has been difficult for many of us as we are wrestling with our ego.  Letting go of being able to put your leg behind your head or ‘wanting’ that next pose……WHY?  So often, we talk about practicing ‘Ahimsa’, non-violence, but we often forget that we need to practice Ahimsa with ourselves when we’re on our Yoga mat. So, the theme for the Winter months and those of us who are more mature, is ‘quality, not quantity’ and being aware of when something is energizing us and doing us ‘good’ and recognizing when something is giving us a short lived endorphin ‘high’ but in fact could be depleting us. So we are taking the awareness that we find in our Himalayan practices and using that awarenss to give us a more effective Ashtanga Vinyasa Asana practice.  Be kind…..

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